The other day, I saw a Newsweek headline that said: “Elon Musk's Approval Rating Is ‘Falling Through the Floor,’ Polls Show.”
This surprised me. Not the fact that many people disapprove of Musk, but the fact that he has an approval rating. I thought only presidents have approval ratings. But apparently co-presidents do, too.
Some presidents, as you know, have enjoyed very high approval ratings. John F. Kennedy and Dwight Eisenhower enjoyed average approval ratings of 70 and 65 percent respectively. Those were the days when “Escape to Canada” was only a tourism slogan.
One of the highest approval ratings in the world currently belongs to India’s Narendra Modi (77 percent). Claudia Sheinbaum of Mexico also enjoys a high approval rating (69 percent). Donald Tusk, on the other hand, has an approval rating of only 40 percent. (Tusk is the prime minister of Poland, not the love child of Trump and Musk.)
If Musk has an approval rating, there may come a day, in the not-too-distant future, when all of us have approval ratings too. A mother of four, for example, might get an approval rating that she’s eager to share with her therapist.
Mom of four: "I have some good news! In the latest family poll, my approval rating jumped from 40 percent to 60 percent! I'm above water!"
Therapist: "Wonderful! Looks like you’ve been following my parenting advice."
Mom: "No, I just gave my husband permission to go on a fishing trip with his buddies."
To get everyone’s approval rating, a company would poll as many people as possible, asking them if they approve of (or disapprove of) other people they know. The polling company would then send you an approval rating summary. It would include your overall rating, as well as your rating broken down into various categories:
Neighborhood rating: This shows you what your neighbors think of you.
Wife: “We need to move. We have terrible neighbors. They gave me an approval rating of 50 percent. Half of them hate me!”
Husband: “No, half of them like you! You should be happy. I got a rating of only 15 percent.”
Wife: “Oh, that explains why my rating is so low. You’re pulling me down. Just like my mom said you would.”
Husband: “All I did was put up a fence for privacy.”
Wife: “You tried to annex part of Mr. Johnson’s yard. And Mrs. Patel’s cat … the one that liked to wander in our yard … you ran after it and deported it.”
Husband: “I just scared it back to her yard. That’s not deporting. That’s returning. I was doing her a favor.”
Wife: “Yeah, I’m sure she appreciates the sign you put on our gate that says: ‘No Cats Beyond This Point Without Valid Visas!’”
Husband: “I was being funny.”
Wife: “Well, 85% of our neighbors didn’t find it funny!”
Husband: “But 15% did!”
Work rating: It won’t be just your boss giving you a rating. It’ll be all your co-workers too.
Ashley: “This is crazy. I got a 25 percent approval rating.”
Juanita: “That’s because you take too many bathroom breaks.”
Ashley: “What’s wrong with that? It’s not my fault that my Instagram posts get so many comments I need to respond to.
Roommate rating: If you share a home with roommates, you’ll be able to find out how they feel about you.
Ron: “Hey, what’s with the low rating? Does my food smell?”
Jon: “It’s not your food that smells, bruh. Have you ever considered taking a … you know … shower? It’s that metal thing in the bathroom that water comes out of. You stand under it for a few minutes.”
Ron: “I know what a shower is. I took one just last year.”
Jon: “Daily showers, bruh. If you take daily showers, your approval rating will be through the roof.”
Ron: “Daily showers are not good for the environment. Besides, I spray myself every morning with musk.”
Jon: “Musk is not going to solve your problems, bruh. Haven’t you learned anything from Twitter?”
