On June 5, 2024, two NASA astronauts, Sunita “Suni” Williams and Butch Wilmore, took a taxi ride to the International Space Station. The taxi ran into trouble, and now Williams and Wilmore will have to take a different taxi home.
Yes, this really happened. The two astronauts had planned to visit the space station for just eight days, but will now be there for more than eight months. They won’t return until next February.
The lesson here is obvious: always make sure you hire the right taxi service. This applies whether you’re going to the International Space Station or the International House of Pancakes. (But I’d rather be stuck in IHOP for eight months.)
NASA began using taxi services after retiring its Space Shuttle in 2011 and relying solely on Russia for rides for almost a decade. It paid $2.6 billion to Elon Musk’s SpaceX and $4.2 billion to Boeing to create taxi services to the space station.
So which of these taxi services left Williams and Wilmore stranded in space? I asked 10 kindergarteners and nine out of 10 said “Boeing.” The 10th said “Boring” and went back to his Legos.
While SpaceX has given nine rides to NASA astronauts since 2020, Boeing’s Starliner capsule was making its first trip, already long delayed. The Starliner managed to get Williams and Wilmore to the space station, but experienced thruster failures and helium leaks along the way. (“Thruster failures” can be quite embarrassing, whether you’re the world’s largest aerospace company or just a guy on his wedding night. And it’s even worse if you have “helium leaks” from the “Just Married” balloons on the ceiling.)
NASA, quite wisely, decided not to take any chances on the return trip and instructed its astronauts to hail a different taxi home.
Unfortunately there aren’t too many taxi services in space. You can’t just stick your thumb out and hope someone stops for you. You have to wait for one to be dispatched — all the way from Earth.
Williams: “Hello, we need a taxi.”
Dispatcher: “Where are you?”
Williams: “International Space Station.”
Dispatcher: “Get out!”
Williams: “No, seriously. We’re stuck here and need a taxi.”
Dispatcher: “Are you out of your mind? I can’t even get my drivers to go to Mexico City.”
The two astronauts will be getting a ride home on SpaceX’s Dragon spacecraft, which is taking two crew members to the space station in September, and will return with four in February. Boeing’s Starliner, meanwhile, will return home uncrewed (but hopefully not unscrewed). How humiliating for Boeing!
Imagine that you’re a taxi driver. You drive two people from Miami to Fargo, North Dakota. But you’re such a terrible driver that your customers decide not to travel back with you. They’d rather hang around in Fargo for eight months, and then cram into the backseat of another taxi with two other passengers. You have to travel back alone. No one wants to travel with you, not even after you display a sign that says, “Don’t have a Fargo winter. Come to Florida and forgo winter.”
Boeing already had enough problems on Earth — it did not need more problems from space. But rather than protecting Boeing’s reputation, NASA is protecting the astronauts, ensuring that they will be able to return to Earth safely and tell everyone how they survived a Boeing space flight.
Meanwhile, Williams is wishing she hadn’t followed the advice she received from a fellow astronaut: “Pack light. It’s only eight days.”
Actually, as experienced astronauts, Williams and Wilmore were well-prepared, packing a suitcase each. But it didn’t matter, because when they arrived at the space station, they couldn’t find their suitcases on the baggage carousel. Boeing had lost their luggage!
No, what really happened was that, at the last minute, their suitcases were removed from Starliner to make room for important equipment.
Thankfully, in early August, a cargo ship brought them clothing and personal items, as well as fresh fruit, vegetables and coffee. Hopefully they also received absentee ballots, so they can vote in November’s election.
In just 10 weeks or so, one of the two presidential candidates, Donald Trump or Kamala Harris, will also be coming back down to earth.
But hopefully not on Boeing.
