“What is my fault? What’s my mistake?”
On the eighteenth and final day of the Mahabharat War, a mortally wounded Duryodhan breaks the eerie silence of the battlefield with these words of self-pity. Even in his final moments, Duryodhan remains oblivious to the mistakes that ruined his life. He searches for ways to blame the Pandavas for the Great War. However, history tells a different story. It was Duryodhan who instigated the attempts to kill the Pandavas, who craved and plotted to see them penniless, and who refused to part with even a needle-tip-sized area of the land rightfully belonging to them. Yet now he asks, “What have I done wrong?”
Duryodhan’s question transcends his own life; it is an eternal question that applies to every person, at any time. We often believe that we are free of blame for anything that goes wrong in our lives.
On Diwali, during the chopda pujan ceremony, business owners close their existing account books and open new ones in preparation for the year ahead. There is an interesting question and answer in the Vachanamrut, a compilation of spiritual discourses delivered by Bhagwan Swaminarayan, which mentions a businessman. In the conversation, a devotee asks, “If a person is troubled by lust, anger and other vicious instincts, can they be eradicated?” Bhagwan Swaminarayan responds, “A businessman keeps a regular account of all transactions. Similarly, if a person regularly tracks their baser instincts and evaluates the changes since entering Satsang, they will eliminate all vicious instincts.” Just as the businessman creates his profit and loss statement at the end of the year, we need to introspect to check spiritually and morally how much we have improved in the last year.
His Holiness Mahant Swami Maharaj, the spiritual leader of BAPS Swaminarayan Sanstha, often emphasizes the importance of self-introspection, humility, and developing inner purity. He encourages people to look within for the root causes of difficulties rather than blaming external circumstances, fostering spiritual growth and self-awareness. In the scripture written by him, the Satsang Diksha, he writes, "With a composed mind, one should introspect every day: 'What have I come to accomplish in this world, and what am I doing?'" (Shloka 145). This Diwali, while we enjoy the festivities, we should also embrace introspection. The key to success lies within, but it must be sought. A philosopher once said:
"If you treat people with love and are subjected to enmity, search within.
If you selflessly help people and are met with non-cooperation, search within.
If you treat people with respect and are faced with hostility, search within.
In any activity that does not bring the desired results, search within."
So, the answer to the age-old question, “What is my fault?” has but one response: "The biggest fault is not seeing our own faults." The only way to correct this is through constant introspection and humble prayer to God.
Lenin Joshi
BAPS Swaminarayan Sanstha
